Old family pain, drama, and conflict at holiday gatherings

We are at the weekend and we are in the holiday season. Because of this I wasn’t going to post a message for today, but I thought about it, and I thought about my family interaction today compared to the experiences I at family gatherings I had long ago.

Today’s message: For those who may be worried about past wounds and trauma as your enter into family holiday celebrations for Christmas:

You should begin now, before you enter into a potential emotionally charged situation, please do this now – begin writing. It makes no difference who caused the hurt, who caused the harm, who said the words, or who performed the action. What matters is the healing and growth that can take place. Even if this takes place solely within you, you will grow.

To gather your thoughts before they are muddied by additional anger, rage, or any other charge of energy from past transgressions. Document these, not as a list that you expect others to own up to, but as a clear understand of your own impression of what has occurred. Simple writing in this way moved the problem outside you and allows for deeper understanding. As you write down your understanding you can analyze and develop your preferences for healing old energy.

Contrary to the statement on this lovely card, it is not necessarily required to be creative in this healing documentation process, though, if after processing the rest of the information here you find it necessary to first initiate healing and growth within you, you can explore your past by documenting creatively – write the past as an interactive story between all involved parties. Doing so will aid in your understanding of the other party and their motivations, which is essential to healing and growth on all sides. Again, creatively this is not required but the possibility and your calling to this act will dictate your mind, body, and spirit’s preferred and best method for you.

Please understand, before we move forward, that you have a perspective and all parties involved have a perspective. It is important to be aware of these. Consider the perspective and position of the other family member. Consider their thinking and their judgement. Truly, you must dig deeper into the energy than what you see on the surface and you can understand what the rationale may have been which caused the harm.

Know also that what may have been caused may seem unforgivable for many different reasons. There may be something as simple as ego that prevents the other person from speaking words or performing apologetic acts.

Your welcoming and unifying mentality will assist this process. Some wounds may not heal in one family event. It is important that, if healing and growth are your true goals, you consistently maintain this positive and loving approach, that you establish and new pattern of behavior and emotion regarding the old hurts. You must forgive, not merely speak the words, “I forgive,” for these are merely words.

You must examine and forgive. Please also know that you may find the same patterns in others, the same old conflict and energy even though you are practicing this new understanding. Do not allow your frustration to be triggered because someone else is not yet at your new style of approach. They too are anticipating the same old routine. They too have preconceived notions about your reaction, your attitude, and your word.

Most important is to be the beacon within the relationship. Understand that patience will be required because they will need to perceive a new mentality and new method of operation from you before they can adjust their pattern and release the old.

Through this understanding, on both or all sides, we will develop and grow, releasing and healing ancient troubles great and small. All things are possible through accepting the past, and loving and living our current and future potential unconditionally.

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